Crank one out in peace

We all need to relieve sexual tension by ourselves at some point. In college, the hard part is finding enough time in a comfortable, private place to get the dirty deed done! For freshmen living in the dorms (or any student with a live-in roommate), getting caught crankin’ one out can be mortifying and friendship-changing. So here’s a simple list of dos and don’ts to help you avoid that “Oh, shit!” moment.

1. Lock the door. It might seem trivial if you both have keys to the room, but hearing the key turn in the lock gives you an extra few seconds to get your act together. You might also want to talk to your roommate about always knocking before unlocking the door – it could save you both lots of embarrassment.
2. Know your roommate’s schedule. Print out your class schedule and hang it up in a visible place, and ask your roommate to do the same. That way, you will know exactly when he or she will be gone. If your roommate leaves for class and you feel like treating yourself, always wait an extra 10 minutes, just in case they need to run back in to grab a book. Also,  never try to “beat the clock”:  if your roommate’s class ends at 4pm, don’t start getting busy at 3:45.
3. Wear headphones. Using porn to help you get in the mood is hardly uncommon; but it could get embarrassing if people passing by your room can hear the sounds of sexual moaning emitting from your laptop. It’s also a lot harder to cover up if your roommate barges in unexpectedly. Plugging earphones into your computer isn’t tough to do, and it doesn’t mess with you getting off (unless you’re into some really freaky-deaky stuff). If you’re a loud comer, try to keep the climax at an indoor voice level.
4. Be prepared for the possibility of getting caught. No matter what position you pleasure yourself in, keep your underpants on – even if they’re down at your knees or ankles. This provides an easy escape route if you hear the lock turning or someone knocking, since you can quickly pull your boxers or panties up.
5. Have proper masturbation etiquette. When the dirty deed is done, clean up after yourself. I’m sure your roommate knows you ‘bate – hell, he/she probably does, too – but you don’t have to leave evidence out in the open. If you use a “cum rag” to clean up, keep it in an inconspicuous place, like under your bed or in your laundry bag. If you use tissues, dispose of them in a main trash barrel post-pleasure so they’re not hanging out on the top of your room’s trash. If you use lubrication or lotion, stow it away in a drawer when you’re finished. While I don’t necessarily support masturbating in a shared shower (like in Warren or West), if that’s the way you roll, be respectful and Lysol the shower stall when you’re finished.