Foxy Congressperson of the Week: Michele Bachmann

This week, I have chosen to bestow the honor of Foxy Congressperson of the Week upon Michele Bachmann, of Minnesota’s sixth district. And no, when I say Michele Bachmann I don’t mean Anthony Weiner. Haven’t we heard enough about his misguided attempts to use social media as a safe deposit box for dirty pictures?

Bachmann has been foxily (cougar-ly?) representing the citizens of the Minneapolis-St. Paul area for five years, and is now hoping to steal the position of Fox-mander In Chief out from under Obama’s nose. When you think about the possibility of going from a First Family as undeniably beautiful as the Obamas to Newt Gingrich and whichever woman he happens to be married to when he gets elected, Michele Bachmann seems like just the woman to take Michelle Obama’s place as “the woman who lives in the White House and has really nice arms.”

I went to Bachmann’s office on Friday with a Certificate of Foxiness and a winning smile, hoping to get in contact with the foxy lady herself, without any real — or even imagined — chance of success. After spending two weeks in Washington, it has become clear to me that the only people who get to see members of Congress are members of Congress who are looking in a mirror. This town runs on staffers and interns, many of whom are convinced that their sole purpose in life is to insulate the boss from all those pesky, small-town folks who get them elected year after year.

At any rate, the Bachmann office visit went relatively well. I was a little afraid I was going to be greeted by Bachmann’s staff with thinly veiled contempt. I had no actual reason to believe this, because all my experience with Minnesotans is that they are wonderful people (until baseball season starts and they start beating my Tigers into the ground, anyway) and of course, my fears were unfounded.

I was greeted at the door by Alex, a lovely young man who was either an intern or the only person on Capitol Hill who actually gets paid to answer phones (I didn’t ask because either way the answer is sad). I wasn’t quite sure how to go about telling Alex that I thought his boss’s boss was foxy, but I gave him a little spiel about The Quad and this column, and he seemed amused and much more excited than I had anticipated. He asked me if there was a story online, to which I replied that there would be and I would be happy to send him a link. He started writing down his e-mail address, stopped in the middle and asked me if this was “a mock” at which point I assured him that, while definitely goofy, Foxy Congressperson of the Week is in no way a mock. I took his picture with the certificate, thanked him for his time, and left the office feeling slightly relieved.

I didn’t actually ask to see the Foxy Congressperson herself, partly because Congress is out of session this week and if a woman who is running for president spent her free week on Capitol Hill, she would be insane, and partly because interns on the hill are not allowed to disclose the location of any of their superiors to visitors, just in case we turn out to be crazy (and partly because I was still nervous). I’m sure I will perfect my certificate delivery system as the weeks go on, and in the mean time Alex has assured me that the certificate will be passed around the office. The best news: I am now one degree of separation from perhaps the foxiest woman in Congress! Jealous?