Herman Cain Drops Out of Presidential Race

One day after meeting with his wife Gloria for the first time since allegations of a 13-year-long affair surfaced this week, Herman Cain, a Republican frontrunner and the onetime CEO of Godfather’s Pizza, has announced his withdrawal from the race for the presidency.

After numerous accusations over the past few months concerning sexual misconduct and affairs, reports suggest that Mrs. Cain pressured her husband into his decision after the barrage of negative media coverage of the couple has exacerbated an already ‘strained’ marriage, long spells of which were apparently spent in separate houses.

During the announcement, Mr. Cain vowed that he would “not go away,” dashing the left’s hopes that this would be the last of the businessman who shot to the top of Republican polls recently. Speaking further, the now-former candidate also said, “As of today, with a lot of prayer and soul-searching, I am suspending my presidential campaign.” Although media reports are consistently correct in their announcements that Mr. Cain has withdrawn from the race, the fact that he said ‘suspending’ is no accident: doing so, according to a piece of bizarre campaign finance law, will allow Herman Cain 2012 to continue receiving donations, likely to fund Mr. Cain’s new venture – traveling the country to promote tax and foreign policy plans (presumably not those associated with “Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan.”)

Although of course under negative circumstances, Mr. Cain’s withdrawal could not have come at a better time, as things were inevitably going to worsen and intensify the longer he remained a legitimate candidate. In fact, a new Des Moines Register poll, indicative of the public’s growing dissatisfaction with the former CEO, showed Iowa voters flocking towards Newt Gingrich, who is backed by about 25% of voters. Following Mr. Gingrich were Ron Paul with 18% and Mitt Romney with 16%. Even before his withdrawal announcement, Mr. Cain received only an 8% backing.

With a frontrunner now absent from the campaign, things are likely to heat up between Mr. Gingrich and Mr. Romney. Following Mr. Cain’s announcement, Mr. Romney said, “I don’t think people have really settled down in a final way to decide who they’re going to support in the nomination process. I hope they give us a good careful look.” In keeping with this, Mr. Cain did say that he will issue a public endorsement of a Republican candidate in the near future.

In what may have well been his last moments in the national limelight, Mr. Cain made his announcement one to remember, as it was an afternoon that featured multiple delays, barbecues, a blues band (yes, a blues band at a withdrawal announcement — fitting), and supporters outfitted in colonial-era clothing. A memorable way to bow out if there ever was one.