The Gleecap: “Spanish Teacher”

The Gleecap is a column dedicated to recap and review the zany antics that occur in each episode of the television show Glee. Blog posts will be released each Wednesday following an episode. Beware, there will be spoilers.

If the Glee writers put even half of the energy they directed towards conversation about male genitalia in this episode towards a more cohesive set of story lines, this show would be infinitely less aggravating to review.

But seriously, when did a faculty member soliciting male glee club students for their sperm ever sound like a good idea? Blech.

Story Overview

Guest stars, grey areas and gratuitous giving of guidance were gateways for glorious goofiness, groaning and gimmicks this week on Glee. Great?

If there was an overall theme for “Spanish Teacher,” it was the feeling of impotence. Both Mr. Schuester and Coach Sylvester, impacted by negative student evaluations and threatened under competition for gaining tenure, are left feeling insecure about their work and futures.

Mr. Schuester, oddly enough, realizes that being an effective Spanish teacher usually involves being able to adeptly speak Spanish. By an extent, his newfound competition in suave Spanish teacher Ricky Martin David Martinez coupled with his newfound engagement to Emma drives him towards finally getting tenure.

Sue, realizing that her time is ticking, decides that she wants to have a child. Thus, her sperm-seeking search streamlines straight for Mr. Schuester. She also feels the pressure when Principal Figgins criticizes her cheerleading style and recommends she seek assistance from a Real Housewife of Atlanta Coach Roz Washington.

Whereas the teachers at McKinley are feeling impotent, the love-struck students appear to be feeling sterile with their relationships and futures. Sam and Mercedes, woefully caught in throes of amour after duet-ing Michael Jackson last week, seek advice from Ms. Pillsbury. She recommends that the two go a week without talking to each other. That way, each can be alone with their thoughts.

Unfortunately for you, Ms. Pillsbury, Samcedes found a technicality. They won’t talk to each other; they’ll sing to each other!

During a sleepover hangout scene that abruptly reminds viewers that the New Directions kids are friends outside of the club, Rachel blows the lid on her engagement to Finn. Kurt, disoriented by confusion, rage and a copious amount of hair gel, decides to confront Finn about it the next day.

In one of the episodes many advice lectures, Kurt reminds Finn that Rachel’s not the only good thing he has going for him. As an athletic straight man, he could be the proverbial unicorn of the New York theater community.

Other lectures, one politely enlightening and the other sassy, are delivered to Mr. Schuester by Santana and Emma (guess which one was from whom!). Lady Pillsbury, through the use of her infamous pamphlets, tells Will that he’s a meany-pants. Santana, in the most tactful way that she’s ever given criticism, reminds Schuester that he shouldn’t be teaching Spanish since it’s not something he’s passionate about.

In turn, Mr. Schuester becomes a history teacher to be more honest and to give Mr. Martinez the job of his dreams. He also does not win tenure, but, luckily for the Schuester household, Emma wins it instead.

And then nothing progresses on the Sam and Mercedes front.

Characters

"Ay Dios Mio! Pantalones! Taco Bell!" - Mr. Schuester at some point in time - I'm sure of it. | Promotional photo courtesy of Fox TV.

Mr. Schuester – It was bizarre seeing Will’s Spanish-speaking abilities being called out for inadequacy when that’s never been the scenario before. Sure, his Spanish has always been awkward, but it’s never been depicted as being that atrocious. Regardless, this episode featured Schuester in his eternal battle ping ponging between developing character and yelling at Emma way too much. As usual, it was hard to sympathize with him.

Emma – It was nice seeing Emma resume her post as the “Quirky, Sage Advice Giver” of the show. Despite her timid exterior, Emma always manages to hold her ground when people (that aren’t her) are being irrational. Especially when Mr. Schuester enters into one of his bi-episode psycho rages.

Santana – Seeing Santana gradually mellow-out over the course of the season gives me hope that maybe there are some long-term plans in this show. Her advice to Will was no less honest and sassy than it usually is, but it was far less grating than it has been in the past. Hopefully this consistent character growth stays in tact.

Songs

“Sexy and I Know It” by LMFAO: Ricky Martin is a pretty talented vocalist, and they have him sing a song that lent more in the way of vocals to Artie. The added Spanish doesn’t alter the song favorably, the choice errs on the side of random, and it feels like a desperate plea to make money off of iTunes with a pointless Top 40 song. Unfortunately, it worked because the song is so darn catchy.

“Don’t Want to Lose You” by Gloria Estefan: Rapid overuse of any talented singer will make mediocrity shine through like a beacon in a fog. Mercedes has been used a lot recently. This song, however, does not push her to her vocal limits like past performances have. Combine that with the vast amount of Spanish, and it creates a tangible disconnect between viewer and performance.

“Bamboleo/Hero” by Gipsy Kings/Enrique Iglesias: In terms of song recognizability, this mashup corrected one of the problems presented in Mercedes’ song. Unfortunately, Sam’s vocals were also mediocre and there was not nearly as much fire and passion in the performance as there should have been.

“La Isla Bonita” by Madonna: In contrast to the previous performances, this song lacked mainstream recognizability but featured reasonable vocals, a quieted intensity and a perfect balance of Spanish and English. The rhythmic dance beat makes for a more immediately enjoyable song, and Santana and David’s coalesce beautifully.

“A Little Less Conversation” by Elvis Presley: And the most random song choice goes to: this song! The biggest draw of this performance was, by far, Mr. Schuester awkwardly cavorting around the stage in that matador’s outfit. It was dorky and funny in the way that Mr. Schuester should be more often. In fact, the song choice and dancing were so distracting that I barely noticed how vocally uninspiring the song was.

One-Liners

“You gon’ get in them stirrups, and you gon’ push, and push, and a full grown adult gon’ pop out with a briefcase and job, talking on a cell phone.” – Coach Roz Washington

“Our periods don’t come until the end of the month.” – Kurt Hummel

“That was some ‘muy’ serious footwork. Muy means ‘very.'” – Mr. Schuester

“Please Don’t Hog My Fiance’s Nog” – Emma’s Pamphlet

Anything Nene Leakes Says Ever.

Overall Score

Usually, when an episode is weak in writing, it makes up for it in song. When it’s weak in song, it makes up for it (mostly) in writing. Sadly enough, this episode was not particularly strong in either. The songs varied from mediocre to bizarre, and the writing didn’t carry the emotional impact that other episodes have had. When I think of the millions of things the show should address, Mr. Schuester’s teaching ability is not one of them.

“Spanish Teacher:” C

About Jon Erik Christianson

Jon Christianson (COM/CAS '14) is the zany, misunderstood cousin of The Quad family. His superpowers include talking at the speed of light, tripping over walls, and defying ComiQuad deadlines with the greatest of ease. His lovely copyeditors don't appreciate that last one. If for some reason you hunger for more of his nonsense, follow him at @HonestlyJon on Twitter or contact him at jchristianson@buquad.com!

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