Happy March, everybody! You know what they say about March: in like a cramming-for-midterms lion, out like an apathetic-about-school lamb.
But seriously. March will be great. Because The Hunger Games will be released, spring break will allow all of us to be absolutely useless to society for a week, and March Madness will take control of our lives. (March Madness is what non-Irish call Saint Patrick’s Day, right?) I just want you all to think of all the positive things about March, rather than the negative. And by negative, I mean the impending doom of this world.
That’s right. As if the mere thought of the world ending in 2012 wasn’t terrifying enough, the universe has supplied us with an exact date. December 21. Mark your calendars. You may be asking, how in the world do you know that, Elizabeth? When so many credible, non-crazy cult leaders have “predicted” the Rapture and been wrong, how can you, a mere columnist, be correct? I’ll tell you. I have very solid evidence. Snooki’s due date AND Rebecca Black’s album release date both fall on December 21.
I know. I thought it was weird, too. Who would let Rebecca Black release a whole album? And if Snooki is reportedly three months pregnant, how can her due date be nearly 10 months from now? The answer is simple. 1) The Huffington Post was displaying some shotty reporting. 2) Snooki is carrying the demon child that will kill us all upon ejection from the womb.
And that, dear friends, is science that Bill Nye couldn’t even explain.
Oy. Who am I kidding? I’m in COM. I know nothing about science. Let me get back to what I know and love: Twitter! And stalking people. And while my long-time favorites @BUDiningService and @butv10_TheWire both make appearances this week, I seem to have found a new TweetCreep crush. Ladies and gentlemen, @PRLab_BU.
I HAVE ESPN OR SOMETHING
[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/#!/BUDiningService/status/175272706604941312″]
How this tweet should read: Why? Because we don’t have any more food. #whocaresaboutshelton #sorryimnotsorry
WORD CHOICE IS KEY
[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/#!/PRLab_BU/status/175238349173424129″]
My two favorite adjectives to put together. Mainly, I use them to describe the Kardashians and fried Oreos.
NATE BERKUS, SO GLAD YOU ESCAPED FROM OPRAH’S DUNGEON
[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/#!/BUDiningService/status/175260324474265600″]
No.
[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/#!/JohnBattaglino/status/174911218736300032″]
Also, no.
BUT REALLY… WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THIS?
[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/#!/buseniorweek/status/174682242390560768″]
Both places that charge too much for sufficiently average food and/or drinks, yet you can never find a table.
I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M INSULTING SESAME STREET LIKE THIS…
[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/#!/GammaPhiBetaBU/status/174557293189410816″]
Looks like someone has been catching up on their Sesame Street. Next week: Over versus under.
PERSONAL RULE: ANY TWEETS ABOUT PUPPIES GET INCLUDED IN TWEETCREEP
[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/#!/PRLab_BU/status/175227895214637059″]
When life gets hard, puppies are always the solution.
ALSO, SOME CLASS-A PENS
[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/#!/BUClassGift2012/status/175411995217117184″]
I will translate this for you: Hang on to your hats, kids. We have some mousepads that will blow your minds!
I CANZ DO COMMUNITY SERVICEZ!
[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/#!/buGDS/status/175266731563024384″]
[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/#!/buGDS/status/175268707294130177″]
@buGDS, our nation’s number #1 supporter of LOLcats.
CLINTON JOKES ARE ALWAYS RELEVANT, RIGHT?
[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/#!/PRLab_BU/status/175306925175615491″]
That’s what Monica Lewinsky said! BOOM!
(THE JOKE THAT I ALMOST FELT TO UNCOMFORTABLE TO POST)
[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/#!/DeanElmore/status/175211248537968644″]
This person isn’t referring to @DeanElmore’s cheery personality. They mean it literally. The shine from the top of his head is so bright it acts like a second sun.
(I love you, Dean Elmore.)
(Was it awkward that I placed this joke right after a Monica Lewinsky one?)
(Was it only awkward because I brought it up?)
LEAP YEAR, A NEW MOVIE BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE PRODUCERS OF VALENTINE’S DAY AND NEW YEAR’S EVE
[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/#!/butv10_TheWire/status/175376354051760128″]
You know what they say… what happens on Leap Year never really happened at all.
