Well the summer is over, and you know what that means! It means that according to the Mayans, you just experienced your last summer alive. I hope you didn’t waste it or anything.
It also means that school has begun. You know what they say: when one bright and warm door closes, another dark and cold one opens.
It also means that Liz “Liz Breen” Breen has graduated from Boston University as well as from her infamous #TweetCreep column. Fun Fact: Ms. Breen also infamously played my baby-mama on BUTV10’s “Bay State,” while my character dealt meth to her roommate. She was later murdered. Her character, that is. On the show. This took a dark turn quick—look, the point is, I’m the new Creeper. I mean TweetCreeper. God, this is harder than I thought. Now let’s get scrolling!
COM’S CLEVER MARKETING PLOY: “WE TEACH YOU CLEVER MARKETING PLOYS”
This list is lacking some deets, so let me fill ‘em in:
1. Goal setting (goal: to get into COM’s Advertising-PR program)
2. Traffic generation (by riding your bike in the middle of Comm. Ave.)
3. Conversion (converted from a respected human being to a rotten, soulless marketing machine)
4. Analyzing (this analysis needs to come from a psychiatrist)
BU CCD? CAMPUS HAS A CATHOLIC SCHOOL FOR KIDS NOW?
Yay! A resume-building workshop on Bay State Road! I’m sure this will be ultimate selling point for students to check out the new Marciano Commons. Oh wait, did someone say Indian food? Can I bring some Vindaloo to these talks about my future? Does spilled Saag Paneer look bad on my portfolio?
UGH FILIPNOS ALWAYS GET THE UPPER HAND
Wow, I had no idea Filipinos speak jibberish! I can finally communicate in a legit language now. And why do Boston University Filipinos get their own “BU’s Filipino Student Association?” Why don’t the Jews of Boston University have one? It could just be called “BU’s Student Association.”
SO THAT’S HOW CONCERTS ARE BORN…
Wow, the great musical artists of our time must be begging BU Central to let them in. I have some suggestions, but I don’t know how to tweet at anyone so I’ll just list them here. Let’s see…The Rascal Flatts, to celebrate their new restaurant chain and clothing line. Also, Simon and Garfunkel don’t seem to be doing much lately, so they’ll totally be down and I heard they accept payment in weed so that might save some cash. Oh, and I’m starting a cover band with my brothers called The Jewnas Brothers. At this time, we strictly play songs from Nick Jonas’s solo work. So how about you tweet at me, Miss Carnegie Hall of Campus.
BOYCOTT THE GODLESS DINING HALLS!
Really? That’s “good?” I can think of another word for it! Blasphemous! Sacrilegious! Impious! Heretical! There’s four right there. And on top of approving this amoral play-on-words you just had to say “Lordy,” didn’t you? You’re lucky Jesus Christ was the world’s biggest smoked Gouda fan; otherwise Bill O’Reilly would be all over this.