BU TweetCreep: October 6th – October 12th

October 12, 2012

by

Next semester it’ll be an honor to graduate from Twin Peaks University.

A quick recap of life on campus:

Sunday, 3 a.m.: Two BU students are robbed at gunpoint near campus.

Tuesday, 5 p.m.: Three BU students leave class and get robbed at gunpoint.

Next Tuesday, 9 p.m.: BU grad student eats pizza and watches The Office before disappearing. His parents put out a $5,000 reward for any information.

Friday, 5 p.m.: BU grad is robbed at gunpoint one block away from the last one.

Later That Day: BU grad gets arrested at LAX for traveling back to Boston with a smoke grenade, hatchet, biohazard suit, billy clubs, and more things I’ve only seen in bad movies.

Saturday, 10 p.m.: About a block away from the robberies, two heroic Brookline Police officers break up a small BU birthday party of 21+ students and admit to me that nobody even called in a noise complaint. My 40 oz. of St. Ides remains half empty.

Monday, 8 a.m.: 62-year-old man’s dead body is found in the Charles River by the BU Boathouse.

Tuesday, 7 a.m.: BU grad student’s dead body is found in the river by the BU rowing team. Student’s ankles are chained to a cinderblock.

Later That Day: BU student is attacked at gunpoint on the BU bridge. BU parents put out a $10,000 reward for any information.

Thursday, 5 p.m.: One of the robbers turns himself into Brookline Police.

Every aspiring filmmaker at BU’s College of Communication should automatically be getting internships at CSI. And every aspiring preacher at BU’s School of Theology should be praying their f***ing butts off.

#PRIORITIESUSA

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/BUbroproblems/status/256199333999943680″]

Is it bad that my main concern with these robberies is that there will be another one I haven’t covered by the time this column gets published?

TERRIFIED TERRIERS

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/BUgirlproblems/status/255852603374702592″]

I don’t think what BU headlines need now is an escort service. That said, I’m sure some guys on the hockey team would be happy to help you get home safely.

NOW THAT WOULD JUST BE CRAZY!

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/dailyfreepress/status/256394833353129986″]

Phew! Thank Moses Muhammad Christ that our campus is totally safe. Now who wants to go skinny dipping by the esplanade?

THIS ACCOUNT NO LONGER EXISTS

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/seenfromstuvi2/status/255864163748958208″]

Click on @BURobber and guess what you’ll see? Nothing! Why? Well, after making Trayvon Martin the account’s profile picture, BU tweeters called the PC police instead of BUPD.

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/amazonprincesa/status/255869560199204864″]

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/Mister_Wang/status/255869615664672768″]

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/Lauren_Dez/status/255871867779436545″]

Oh that’s just great! Now how are we gonna catch the other criminals? We deleted their Twitter page entirely!

POOR TASTE, CONFRATERNITY OF CHRISTIAN DOCTRINE!

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/BU_CCD/status/256459475702140929″]

Ugh, I wish that’s what I’ve been seeing floating around campus.

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/wtbunews/status/256418360793907200″]

Oh. Oops. Any other topics? Can people, like, start stupidly fighting about nothing?

TWEETWAR: @THATSSOBU VS. @THEBUBUS

Perfect! So here’s how it starts:

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/thatssoBU/status/255873350600097794″]

Here’s how it escalates:

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/TheBUBus/status/255886412723920896″]

Here’s how it gets real:

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/thatssoBU/status/255887920219713536″]

Here’s how road rage happens:

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/TheBUBus/status/255888471305097218″]

So nice to see how BU is uniting as one amidst all the horror over the last two weeks. By the way, shouldn’t someone be driving that shuttle? Is this e-feud why I’m still waiting in the rain?

ROOMATING 

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/butoday/status/255668992449077248″]

Uh…duh? Now we won’t have to worry about sexiling because we’ll be boinking our roomies! So my vote is YEA, or, as they say at private nonsectarian universities in New England, “Word up!”