Time Capsule: The Good, the Bad, and the Inconceivable of the Year 2012

Never forget. | Photo courtesy of Larry D. Moore CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons

At some point in our elementary careers, a well-meaning teacher with a chipper demeanor announced that the class would make a time capsule. We’d bring in our least favorite toy, a ripped up scrunchie, a half melted bionicle man, and some noodle art for future generations to ogle at.

The practice died out as we eye-rolled our way through puberty, but the tradition still stands. What will future generations remember about 2012? Probably some things we’re proud of and mostly some things we’d rather die out with time.

  • Grumpy Cat. I contemplated putting Gangham Style first, but I then I thought, absolutely not when there’s a worthier advisory on the list. Grumpy cat is by far my favorite meme out of 2012. Yes, Grumpy Cat is overdone (kinda like Gangham Style), but that doesn’t negate how adorable that downtrodden cat it.
  • The Daily Show Election Episodes. This could possibly be the best season of the show yet. Each week Stewart and the team brought it politics style. And, honesty hour now, I watched more Daily Show election coverage than any other news outlet.
  • Angelia Jolie’s Leg from the Oscars. I literally have not heard Angelia Jolie speak for two years. Seriously, has her withered body destroyed her vocal cords too? But that leg, that leg, spoke a thousand words. (And that picture of Jolie with both legs at that angle is priceless and horrifying).
  • A Recording of Every Time President Obama Stuttered During the First Debate. I bet when you put them all together, you get a sweet beat.
  • A Full Head Horse Mask. Why people spent money on those things is beyond me. They did come out with some hysterical pictures, though. Horse-masked men at the office or on the couch = comedy gold.
  • A Rolodex of Taylor Swifts Boyfriends Up to this Year. I may be wrong, but I have a feeling some of these gems will be lost in a shuffle of Hollywood men, lest we forget John Mayer, Joe Jonas, and Taylor Lautner. Can’t wait what the next years will bring. Maybe she’ll pull a Lohan and switch teams for a while.
  • The USA Men’s Swimming Team’s Abs from the Olympics. Yes, there was triumph against adversity and great acts of human achievement, but there was also Ryan Lochte and the rest of the men’s swimming team’s abdominal muscles (Australia kicked some ass in that department too). Those Greek Gods of athletes should be immortalized for all time.
  • Tan Mom. That woman’s skin should be in the Smithsonian with the caption “Orange hide from a woman whose skin could sharpen a knife, aka the reason tanning salons died out.”
  • The “Zou Bisou Bisou” Dance on Mad MenNot only the hottest, and grooviest, moment in Mad Men history (and that’s saying a lot), but it is responsible for properly introducing us to Jessica Paré and her French Canadian awesomeness.
  • DVD of Liz and Dick. Oh, Lindsay. How the former-child star has fallen. This made-for-TV movie happened, and we need to share it with the future, fainting spells, glass shattering, and all.
  • Nate Silver and the FiveThiryEight Blog. Now I realize Silver is a polarizing topic, but you have to give it up to the guy. His site was addictive as crack during the election–that’s pretty baller.
  • The Picture of the College Student Butt-Chugging. College minds at work. You have to be dedicated to drinking to stick a tube up your ass and pour beer down it.
  • The Last Twinkie on Earth. How can future generations not know the utter delight of those beautiful, spongy, yellow cream filled cakes? Although, I think Twinkies will become the future’s fossils. You’ll go digging in your backyard 50 years from now and find a Twinkie in its original packaging and barely aged.
  • The Video of McKayla Maroney’s Vault from the Summer Olympics. That vault is literally the most badass moment from this year. She seemed to defy the laws of physics. And the best part was the look on her face as she landed. It’s like she was saying, “Yeah, I just did that.” And that one judge’s gaping mouth is priceless.
  • Everything Amy Poehler Touched in 2012. From SNL appearances to hilarious Emmy moments to being the best advice giver to Parks and Recreation’s best season ever, Amy Poehler owned this year.
  • Video Mash-Up of Honey Boo Boo, Dance Moms and Sister Wives. These shows are equal parts entertaining and horrifying.
  • A Page Ripped from 50 Shades of Grey. We will never live this down. Ever. It’s done. We’re tainted as a society. The fact that a bestselling series contains anal beads and no one bats an eyelash is something we’ll have to explain to our children. For now, get your kinky on, but know the backlash is coming.
  • Clint Eastwood’s “Talking” Chair. Of all the election shenanigans, this is the best. An old man talking to an empty chair. So simple. So beautiful. So worthy of being remembered.
  • Gangham Style. Love it or hate it, this song is here to be played at weddings, bar mitzvahs, and office parties until the end of days.
  • Pictures Beyoncé Owning the World. She had a baby and a hit record, and managed to do it all while being fabulous. She is the DIVA of divas. Pay respect to the Queen B.

 

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