Foxy Congressperson of the Week: Rep. Aaron Schock

This week’s foxiest legislator, Representative Aaron Schock of Illinois’ 18^th Congressional District, first came to my attention when Quad creator Lauren Hockenson posted a shirtless photo of him on my Facebook wall and suggested I take him out to a romantic dinner.

Normally, when the words  “congressman” and “romantic” appear in the same sentence there is a sex scandal or, at the very least, a relationship between an attractive young woman and an unattractive old man involved. If you don’t believe me, just look at Dennis Kucinich’s wife. I once saw them in the airport together and thought Kucinich was having the least secretive affair ever with a desperate yet ambitious staffer.

This is not the case with Rep. Schock, however. Not only is he young and single, but he would still be extremely attractive even if we weren’t judging him against 500 of the oldest, most uptight people in the United States.

The Quad is hardly the first organization to acknowledge Schock’s status as a Greek God among a slouching, age-softened cohort. The New York Times and the Huffington Post both named Schock as one of the hottest congressmen, and Men’s Health Magazine did a profile on Schock which was the source of the aforementioned shirtless photo. Come to think of it, Schock may be the first congressman I have ever heard of to have a shirtless photo floating around and not resign. It’s not hard to see why though – no one is going to complain when this guy takes his shirt off, except maybe people with inferiority complexes.

My research on Congressman Schock had already taught me that he would not be in the office when I dropped off his award Friday, as he flees Washington like a bat out of hell as soon as business for the week is finished. And since the House’s business this week consisted of pretending to make progress on long-overdue bills while actually waiting for Anthony Weiner to resign so they could all go home, Schock was long gone by the time I reached his door.

I was still nervous that the Capitol Police were going to throw me out of the building, but this time it was because I am currently suffering from a cold that could easily be classified as a biological weapon of mass destruction. If I managed to infect enough members of Congress with this thing, it would shut down the government. Luckily I hid my illness well enough that the guard at the entrance didn’t shove me into a HAZMAT tent, and I was able to continue on my quest for foxiness.

The upshot of the fact that almost all of Schock’s attention comes from speculation that he might just be an underwear model who got lost on his tour of the Capitol meant that the kind folks in his office reacted with collected calm, perhaps even jaded cynicism, when I showed up at their office with my certificate in hand. Rather than the bemused enthusiasm of Bachmann’s office, I was greeted with a knowing smile from one of Schock’s staff.  If they had known there was a Foxy Congressperson of the Week contest, they would have already been expecting me.

They were as helpful as Congressional front-office types can be – which is to say only slightly helpful – and I was told that though the “press guy” was on the phone (which is code for “the press guy doesn’t want to talk to you”) I should feel free to e-mail him, which of course I did. I completely forgot to take a picture, so you will all just have to take my word for it that I shared the same space with Representative Schock’s empty desk.

I have yet to hear back from Schock’s office about my request for a comment, but maybe – just maybe – Foxy Congressperson of the Week will soon be added to the currently blank “Awards” section on his webpage.