What up what up TweetCreepers [air horn air horn air horn]!!!!!! It’s Thursday y’all, which means time for a roundup of what went down on the internet this week. Cyber Thursday! No? Ok.
Adios Papi Grande, I only just learned that you were still alive and merely retiring, but seeing those tears in your eyes at your last game greatly moved me. So much, in fact, that I purchased a limited edition Big Papi final season commemorative tee, which I immediately stained with limited edition commemorative coconut oil as I fried a limited edition commemorative egg for dinner. #ThanksBigPapi.
Also Trump is imploding. Or exploding. Whatever, it’s made for some great tweets.
But that’s enough of those darn current events. Let’s get on to the stuff that matters to you!
Feeling healthy and indestructible? Check out this article before canceling your doctor's appointment(s) https://t.co/y8B6dBcXTY pic.twitter.com/gUwExl3Dsd
— BU Student Health (@BUStudentHealth) October 11, 2016
Feel good? Think you’re “well-adjusted” and “happy”? THINK AGAIN. We’re all just living cesspools who constantly need to be reminded of our own mortality. WAKE UP SHEEPLE THE FLU CAN KILL!!!! BU Student Health: stay humble, stay fearful.
Don't be fooled by the calendar, Terriers! Today is a Monday schedule of classes on campus! pic.twitter.com/aiXHaI9Vk0
— Boston University (@BU_Tweets) October 11, 2016
“Don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got. I’m still, I’m still, SLEEPING IN ‘CAUSE IT’S TUESDAY.”
Boom!
But really, this was just a missed opportunity to quote Will Smith’s 2005 magnum opus, “Switch.”
How I Would Have Written It: Hey switch (your schedule), turn it over and hit (that snooze button) Turn around, now switch (your schedule) Turn it over and, ooh la la MONDAY.
Stop what you're doing immediately! Get the BU FanZone app, check in to sports games around… https://t.co/Pp35hsWoH6
— Barnes Noble @BU (@BUBookstore) October 12, 2016
………Ok now that I’ve got this FanZone app–which I will promptly delete to make room for more screenshots of cool Far Side cartoons my mom emails me–did anyone else click on that link? No? I’ll walk you through it: that link takes you to the BU Bookstore Instagram where you will find the exact same message PLUS a picture of four sad BU items tossed haphazardly on some kind of spotless beige platform (I’m assuming?)
It honestly looks like each of these items was gathered from four separate murder scenes, and someone is just realizing they all connect. The saddest part? That post only got 10 likes. WHICH MEANS, THERE ARE 10 SUSPECTS. ***Removes sunglasses***The Who plays***
Just a little PSA…
Don't put cookies in the toaster, yes we all love warm cookies, but we like our eyebrows too. #lookinatyouWest— BU Dining Services (@BUDiningService) October 9, 2016
This is a choice I’m ready and willing to make. Warm cookies all the way. You can always draw on eyebrows later.
"We wanted to take a look at what the latest data says about marijuana policy." https://t.co/k6TgFj7T8D pic.twitter.com/iGmg8Ml6ez
— The Daily Free Press (@dailyfreepress) October 12, 2016
“We wanted to, we had it all planned out, we were going to FOIA every governmental body in the commonwealth to get that data…but then we got high.”
5 things you need to know about generation Chttps://t.co/tvAsWYdr9X
— BU Questrom (@BUQuestrom) October 12, 2016
- They 2. Are 3. Taking 4. Our 5. Jobs
Welp, that’s it for me toddlers in tiaras! Until next week! Remember, stay humble, stay fearful.
