An Open Letter to #BU Fake Twitter Accounts

It seems only appropriate that I conclude my last week writing for the Quad (aside from 1 or 2 more #TweetCreeps of the year) the way I began it, which was talking about Twitter’s gift to the #BU community in the form of @BUSnowAlert. Unlike the streets that went uncleared during the snowpocalypse, @BUSnowAlert seemed to ready the way for nearly as many #BU-related “parody” Twitter accounts as there weren’t snow days. This open letter to those accounts chronicles my frustration with what I’ve labeled #BUredundantandnolongercreativeTwitteraccountproblems.

Back when @BUSnowAlert was born out of a self-prescribed snow day, the only major #BU parody accounts were @BUGirlProblems (which led to their BFF @BUGayProblems) and @StuffBULikes (with its accompanying blog). While they didn’t experience the type of fast growth in followers as @BUSnowAlert, they were welcomed as “stuff” and “problems” that much of the #BU population can relate to. @StuffBULikes was more general in terms of the type of #BU kids that would agree with their tweets, but it still kept its material specific to life at #BU. @BUGirlProblems and @BUGayProblems are no-brainers that hit it off with the #BU population, as it pretty much is the #BU population. Though @BUGirlProblems was borderline #BUBiddieProblems at times, it still rang true with many of us.

Enter @HarvardHoochies, who actually joined Twitter a few days before @BUSnowAlert and popped on my Twitter feed shortly after. With vodka-filled water bottles in hand and hooch skirts held ass-exposingly high, they were determined to take the Twitterverse by storm. However, it wasn’t the #BU Twitterverse they intended to engage with, but rather with @Harvard, specifically final club men. While @HarvardHoochies was busy husband-hunting in the @Harvard final club jungles, a slew of other #BU parody accounts were preparing to strike while the twiron was hot.

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/#!/harvardhoochies/status/61195286290247680″]

Apparently, @BUMotherNature was formed the same day of @BUSnowAlert, clearly ripping the excessive o’s in @BUSnowAlert’s name (Horatio Malone) by naming itself Ororo Munroe. What they couldn’t replicate from @BUSnowAlert were the harsh yet hilarious jabs at the #BU administration and students. @BUMotherNature’s tweets were significantly tamer than New England weather.

With @BUGirlProblems and @BUGayProblems still in their prime, I tweeted a prediction that the next #BUProblems Twitter accounts to come would be inspired by #BUBroProblems, #BUHipsterProblems, #BUJewProblems, and #BUInternationalStudentProblems — making up the rest of #BU’s population/stereotypes. The next day, I woke up to this:

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/#!/BUbroproblems/status/33178710949629952″]

I came across @BUHipsterIssues (OF COURSE they would put “issues” instead of problems), to which I reacted:

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/#!/MeghanRRoss/status/33225748462440448″]

I knew this was the beginning of the end, but even I had no idea that it would lead to a never-ending stream of less than clever Twitter handles with tweets to match. Originally, I found @BUHipsterIssues to be quite amusing, until it fizzled out a couple days later. It definitely had potential, especially with these early tweets:

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/#!/BUHipsterIssues/status/32859158780837888″]

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/#!/BUHipsterIssues/status/33252410998661120″]

Recently, I came across @BUSmokeProblems, which was created a few weeks later in February, but never seemed to have a stronger influence than nicotine addiction. Same with @BUnerdproblems, who must have been self-conscious in front of the other #BUProblems accounts, because they protected their tweets. I can’t even judge their material because of that, which is a bigger problem for a parody account than being a nerd. And back in January, someone tried to make @bugossip happen. @PrepBroProblems dropped #BU from its Twitter handle when it jumped on the fake Twitter bandwagon. It’s hit-or-miss material, but maybe that’s just because I don’t particularly care for guys that looked like they just got raped by a J.Crew catalog.

The next #BU fake Twitter account that got the attention of #BU tweeps was @EvilDeanElmore, following in the diabolical footsteps of @BostonTweet’s evil counterpart @EvilBostonTweet. It was an interesting take on the lovable @DeanElmore, since it turned his typical tweets about how much he loves the #BU community and set them on fire with self-obsession and #BU-loathing.

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/#!/EvilDeanElmore/status/55648434295816193″]

@TheBUBus came about before @EvilDeanElmore and what it lacked in reliability of service (in reality and in infrequent tweeting), it made up in zingers:

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/#!/TheBUBus/status/42775681339359234″]

as well as some pretty valid points:

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/#!/TheBUBus/status/34624783211704320″]

One of the worst BU fake Twitter accounts I’ve encountered was @BUFireAlert (aka Kurt Russell). It is basically ripped-off from @BUSnowAlert, and the tweet material suffers.

If you’re going to be a snarky asshole, you must be smart about it to be funny (which @BUSnowAlert mastered). But if you’re an asshole tweeting stuff to piss everyone off that has nothing to do with your Twitter account, then quit while you’re ahead and put out the flame.

Then came the onslaught of #BUredundantandnolongercreativeTwitteraccountproblems. Particularly, there were some noteworthy variations by biddies and sorority girls. @BUBiddy was the first, but must have been distracted by a new Longchamp bag because they never made it past winter break. To cut to the chase, @BUBiddie (which is pretty much @BUGirlProblems) + some occasional references to Greek life = @BUSGProblems (who totally changed her Twitter bio after I called her out on being redundant). Then take @BUSGProblems + some @HarvardHoochies sluttiness = @BUSorostitute. Then there’s @BiddieAlert… Oh and @BUDudeProblems, have you met @BUBroProblems yet?

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/#!/BUSorostitute/status/56766548924309505″]

To address some more recent ones, @GSUgab is basically the “Overheard at BU” Facebook group, which I forgot still existed after freshmen year. And the consensus is in: @GSU_Allison is pretty racist. Also, I unfortunately predicted this account, too. I still can’t tell if @BUGreekMove is a parody account or just a reaction to the @BUToday article that pissed off Greek life. @CommAveRunner is weak, and I think the real Comm Ave. Runner would kick the ass of whoever made it. Though, actually, he might do that regardless of how good it was.

@MrGeorgeSherman walks the fine line between bizarrely funny and down-right creepy, but I guess we should expect that from a ghost who lets #BU students eat (and sometimes sleep) inside him every day. He has to put up with biddie parades on a daily basis, so I’ll cut him some slack. I haven’t decided yet whether I think his wife @BeatriceSherman being on Twitter is cute or creepy either. And @CGSAlert? Just quit while you’re not ahead.

So if you’re considering making a #BU fake Twitter account that is going to be so funny and original, take my advice and just say no to #BUredundantandnolongercreativeTwitteraccountproblems. If you really want to create a somewhat anonymous name for yourself among #BU tweeps, be useful and informative, like how @BUTrafficAlert started out as, @BUEats still is, and @BUCommonGround has become. Just no more problems/weather alerts/biddies/bros/dead people/live people #BU fake Twitter accounts.

Always Creeping & Complaining,

#TweetCreep