If there exists a condition or illness that requires the diseased’s interest in sports about which no one else cares, I have it. Perhaps it’s from growing up in Maryland, where we play, with fervor, lacrosse, a sport approximately 47 people in this country have ever seen, and where the state sport is jousting. (Note: this jousting is not the one-on-one, potentially fatal jousting of olde, but rather ring jousting, which involves a person riding horseback seeking to lance a ring somehow suspended in the air. Not exciting. Also, the bulk majority of Maryland natives knows neither of the previous two facts, so now you’re collecting one-ups.)
This disease currently manifests itself in my undying devotion to the 21st Winter Olympics. And since my dedication is, at the very best, unmatched by the average American, I’ve taken it upon myself to do the job that Morgan Freeman voice Visa commercials couldn’t (although they’ve been known to elicit tears from me). Presented here are three reasons why you should tune in sometime in the next 10 days.
NEANDERTHAL BLOOD LUST
There’s a (small) part of every human that loves watching risk-taking, particularly that which endangers life in the pursuit of athletic excellence in competition. That being said, the Winter Olympics are way more dangerous than its older brother, the Summer Version. Try and find a dangerous sport on the list of Summer Games. Boxing? Not with the incredibly boring points system and not since the days of Sugar Ray Leonard and Cassius Clay (he wasn’t Ali until a few years after winning Olympic Gold in 1960). Judo, Taekwondo, or any version of wrestling? Methodical and technical, sure. Life threatening? Nope.
Now take the Winter Olympics. Speed skating looks pretty innocent and safe, right? But American J.R. Celski got 70 stitches in Septermber after being cut by a skate in a crash typical of a short-track race. Downhill skiers fly down mountains that are effectively sheets of ice at speeds topping 75 mph; crashes are impressive. (Plus, American Bode Miller just medaled and Lindsay Vonn is a favorite, even with a bruised shin!) Snowboard cross races, head-to-head battles between four snowboarders has recently been plagued by injury. Luge and skeleton, well, if you haven’t heard how dangerous those sports can be, you really have some catching up to do.
GRACE, METICULOUSLY
Oh, you don’t have any wish to see people risk their limbs and lives? I’m of the opinion that you’re repressing something wonderfully animalistic, but luckily for all of us the Winter Olympics has something for everyone. Perhaps you love the gymnastics of the Summer Games. Ice skating is better. Sure I’m biased (I was born in Canada and definitely skated in an on-ice performance of Barney’s “Peanut Butter and Jelly”), but gymnastics doesn’t hold a candle to figure skating. That’s just fact It has all the precision of gymnastics, but fewer boring events/factors, similar mind-bending scoring, is way less stilted, and IS ON ICE. Parallel/unparallel bars are cool. So are balance beams. But so is a guy hoisting a girl above him on one hand while spinning, then throwing her into the air for a triple-toe-loop-something-or-another and holding your breath for an entire routine because you’re sure someone’s going to crash. And did I mention it’s on ice? Moving on…
FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOUR/A COUNTRY
Early on in NBC’s coverage of the Winter Olympics, I decided that there is way too much focus on this so-called, “spirit of the Games,” and not enough on inter-country competition. Because dominating other countries in sports doesn’t leave as bad a taste as destroying them with war. Feeling bad about America and its international policies? Too bad you missed women’s moguls. US won gold AND bronze AND demolished Canada’s dreams for winning gold medal while hosting an Olympics (only for another day). Win-win-win. Which brings up another great point. Until Canada won a gold medal (men’s moguls), I had to at least halfway pull for them in every event. Pick a story-line—Visa and NBC are more than happy to oblige you with one between events and during commercials— and follow it to whatever conclusion it leads. Be it heartbreaking or inspiring, it’ll be beautiful and emotional to watch, and therefore, totally worth it.
Alright, so maybe this “spirit of the Games” thing is legit. Just another reason to watch.
