C’mon, Apple!

I’m no fanboy, but I effin’ love Apple. I grew up with them! My family’s first computer was a Macintosh; our second was the iMac. I got an iPod as soon as I could afford it, always knew I’d get a MacBook for college (remember, they weren’t always cool), and crave, crave, crave an iPhone. (Fair warning for T-Mobile: check.)

And the ads! Didn’t they just get better and better? Who didn’t want an iPod after watching silhouettes straight up breaking it down to some little-known, but unavoidably catchy song? And who could deny how cool the iPhone and iPod Touch were after the “There’s an app for that” line of commercials. And besides giving Justin Long a cool persona for the first time in his life, the “I’m a Mac, I’m a PC” commercials ensured that everyone knew that having a Mac was not only young and cool, but better. I’m tempted to say that for the typical twenty-something, some of the most memorable and effective ads of the past decade have been Apple’s. Or how about this: how many college age friends do you have without any of the following: an iPod, a MacBook, or iPhone? I have one, and she’s got some religious/erotic love triangle thing going on with Google and Microsoft.

But dear Apple, I’m disappointed. Almost horrified. Do you know that I follow three live blogs from and during the unveiling of the iPhone 4? Three! Then I turned around and told my less-curious-more-displeased coworkers all about how cool and innovative and wonderful and fantastic the iPhone 4 was.

But then, Apple, you came out with the Facetime commercials. For those of you who haven’t seen them (and don’t care to), here’s a summary of the four one-conversation (no clip compilation) advertisements:

1. A man is video-chatting (on Facetime, of course) with his grey-haired father. He shows his father a newly born child and says, “How does it feel bein’ a grandfather?” to which the other man replies, “Incredible! How does feel bein’ a father?”

2. Man and a woman are video-chatting. She’s nervous about a new haircut. It’s implied that they’re partners. Ad ends with the man telling the woman she (still?) looks cute. Moving on…

3. A man is video-chatting with a younger teenage girl. She’s frowning; he tries to get her to smile; he sings a stupid song; she smiles; he tells her she’s beautiful. You’re meant to assume that the man is the girl’s father. And finally…

4. Man and a woman are video-chatting. She asks if he has a minute, is alone, etc. Yawn. She tells him he’s going to be a dad.

Notice a common theme? (Insert Jeopardy music.) Ding! All of the ads are explicitly or implicitly built on patriarchal relationships. The first three are all about fathers and children and fatherhood; the last is about a woman whose reassurance comes from her boyfriend? Wherefore art thou, strong, solo female silhouette? Where can I find thee, Apple ad originality?

If the most powerful pathos Apple, a company heralded for creativity and progressiveness, can invoke is one-dimensional AND patriarchal, then we’ve got a problem.