It’s a Scandal! It’s an Outrage!

I love a good political scandal almost as much as I love it when politicians actually work together for the betterment of our country. So here, for your enjoyment, are my favorite political slip-ups , boiled down to their most scandalous essence.

Kwame Kilpatrick: Pimp Mayor of D-Town

Kwame Kilpatrick was elected mayor of Detroit in 2001.  Kilpatrick’s term was embroiled in scandal, including rumors that he had a stripper killed to stop her from talking about a party the mayor had hired her for. In 2008 the Detroit Free Press published thousands of text messages between Kilpatrick and his chief of staff, Christine Beatty, which proved that the two had lied under oath when questioned about having an affair, and that Kilpatrick had fired Detroit’s chief of police to end an investigation that would have uncovered the affair. The texts are a scandal-lover’s gold mine. In one gem, Beatty asks the mayor “and did you miss me, sexually?” Kwame eventually stepped down as mayor and moved to Texas, but when he claimed he couldn’t afford to pay his restitution the Motor City decided it had had about enough and chucked him in jail.

Mark Sanford Walks to Argentina

In June 2009 South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford went hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Or so he told his aides. In fact, Sanford had used tax payer money to fly to Buenos Aires for a weekend with his Argentinian mistress. Later it was revealed that the affair had been going on for a year, and that during that time Sanford had made state-sponsored visits to Argentina. Unlike some of his fellow philanderers, Sanford’s communications with his lover were not explicit but quite tender. In one e-mail, he writes that they are in “a hopelessly impossible situation of love.” It’s almost sweet, until you remember he was lying to his wife and spending thousands of dollars of other people’s money to keep his double life going. The state legislature considered impeaching Sanford, but eventually decided against it. He paid a fine for ethics violations and continued with his term.

Senator Bludgeoned in Capitol Building

If this one doesn’t sound familiar it’s not because you haven’t been paying attention to the news, it’s because you didn’t pay enough attention in high school history. In 1856, Massachusetts senator Charles Sumner was sitting at his desk minding his own business when Representative Preston Brooks of South Carolina came up behind him and bludgeoned him with a heavy metal cane. Sumner had recently insulted one of Brooks’ relatives in a floor speech and apparently Brooks had never learned to use his words. Not to be deterred by a simple head-clubbing, Sumner spent some time recovering and then returned to the senate. Let it not be said that today’s Congressmen and women are the worst negotiators our country has ever known. At least they leave their weapons at home.

Those are some of my favorite scandals. But we all know politicians have more than enough crazy to fit in one blog post. Here’s hoping the 112^th Congress has scintillating new tales in store for us.