If you’re anything like me, your love of politics is sometimes tarnished by an overwhelming feeling of frustration with the goons who run our country. At times like these – and if you don’t think this is one of those times, you can go read up on current events for a few minutes and I’ll be here waiting – I find it is best to focus on the silly acts of politicians rather than their political ones. Like, for instance, their hilarious injuries. It’ll make you feel better, I promise.
Obama Has a Fat Lip and it’s Not From Congress
In case you missed it, over the Thanksgiving holiday our very own Baller-in-Chief took an elbow to the lip while playing basketball with staffers and ended up with twelve stitches. I know what you’re thinking. “Twelve stitches? Was there a knife attached to that elbow?” But actually the stitches were placed closer together than usual to prevent scarring.
George W Bush vs. Pretzel
One Sunday afternoon while enjoying a football game on TV, Bush choked on a pretzel and passed out cold, hitting his face on the floor and getting a pretty nasty bruise. Possibly the silliest part of this is the quote his doctor gave, saying that Dubya fainted “due to a temporary decrease in heart rate brought on by swallowing a pretzel.” Now I don’t know about you, but I was pretty sure failure to swallow the pretzel was where we ran into trouble here. But I guess you can’t begrudge someone word choice when the leader of the free world almost just offed himself with a pretzel.
Jimmy Carter Attacked by Aqua Rabbit
I swear I’m not making this up. While on a fishing trip in 1979, Carter’s canoe was almost boarded by a rabbit that swam up to the boat hissing and spitting, with its pointy rabbit teeth bared. The Secret Service was either unconcerned about this breach of presidential security or didn’t realize rabid aqua rabbits were a thing they had to be concerned about, so Carter was left to his own defenses, and beat at the rabbit with his canoe paddle.
Dick Cheney Thinks “Quail” is Another Term for “Fellow Hunter”
Okay so this isn’t the injury of a politician. Unless you count Dick Cheney’s ego as a politician (and maybe we should). But sometimes I feel that we all need to be reminded that Dick Cheney shot a man in the face while hunting for quail. The man later apologized for causing the then-Vice President so much trouble. One more time, for effect: Dick Cheney shot a man in the face.
And Bill Clinton was fairly dangerous with cigars and damaged a few blue dresses.
Mysterious knee injury at the Sharks house.
That fat lip he was sporting for the vacation with Hillary, after he finally admitted having sex “with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky”