‘Gnomeo and Juliet’ Review: Shakespeare Is Probably Rolling In His Grave

Question: How does one make the adult themes of thwarted love, death, suicide, murder and unhappy endings in Romeo and Juliet family friendly?

Answer: Dress it up in 3D animation and reinvent the whole story with gnomes, of course

Gnomeo and Juliet (yes, very witty wordplay. We’ll come back to this later on in the review) is the latest in a long string of 3D animated movies to hit the market. Produced by Sir Elton John, who also provides most of the music for the film, and featuring a string of celebrity voices, the film is a remake of Shakespeare’s famous play, Romeo and Juliet. You know the story – boy meets girl, they fall in love, and because of an ancient family grudge, the two young heroes are fated to become star crossed lovers.

Let us start with the animation. The gnomes are actually pretty impressive, since you can see every chip and scratch on them. They even make a little “chink” sound when they hit each other and the detail is appreciated.  However, the whole movie is freakishly bright and cheerful, the colors vivid and rooted in primary colors. The gnomes are accordingly split between red, representing the Capulets, and blue, representing the Montagues. There is a clear divide between the two sides, and the happy colors seem somehow out of place, juxtaposed with the dark theme of familial grudge and a long-standing war.

What starts out as mildly cute soon turned to annoyance. The bright colors are so loud that they started to make my eyes and head hurt. One scene in the film shows the obligatory makeover montage where Romeo and Juliet get all dolled up before their date. This is set to an Elton John-ified version of “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” with a 1960s, LSD-trip, swirly background. And about that 3D… now I don’t have a very high opinion of it, but I do have some expectations. I paid 12 dollars and I expect some stuff to fly out of the screen, so where is it? Not only did nothing fly out of the screen, I didn’t even really notice the 3D. It only made the characters look a little rounder, but that’s about it.

Besides Romeo (James McAvoy) and Juliet (Emily Blunt), the list of characters is pretty extensive.  There is Juliet’s nurse in the form of a sassy, loud-mouthed frog named Nanette (Ashley Jensen), and a mushroom called Toad who is Romeo’s sidekick. Others include Tybalt (Jason Stratham as a – gasp – bad guy!), Juliet’s father Lord Redbrick (Michael Caine), Romeo’s mother Lady Blueberry (Maggie Smith), Benny (Matt Lucas), Romeo’s loyal friend and the random inclusion of a Spanish-accented, plastic flamingo called Featherstone (Jim Cummings). Celebrity cameos include Hulk Hogan voicing a commercial for an monster truck-like lawnmower dubbed “The Terrafirminator”, Ozzy Osbourne as Fawn, a deer who also acts as chief of security for the Capulets, Dolly Parton as a random blue gnome, and Patrick Stewart as a statue of Shakespeare.

Despite the star-studded cast, the voice acting was boring at best. Not one of the characters stood out, and they all seemed two-dimension – rather ironic for a three-dimensional movie. James McAvoy seemed to put a little more effort into his character and tried to put some variety into his voice. Emily Blunt was just flat, which is a shame since she is usually so expressive in her other films. None of the other characters did any spectacular either, but one shouldn’t have high hopes; the cast does have Ozzy Osbourne and Hulk Hogan in it.

Now let’s talk about that oh-so-witty wordplay.  We  get lines like “A weed by any other name is still a weed” and “Let’s go kick some grass!” Another examples of what, I’m sure the screenwriter thought was extremely funny, was when Lord Redbrick says “I’m not illiterate! My parents were married!” and “You look like a fun guy!” when Nanette meets Romeo’s Toad for the first time. There is an over reliance on clichéd jokes and the script could be a little more inventive.

Another point of irritation is just how many popular culture references there are. My guess is that this is probably to satisfy the adults that are forced to watch the movie with their kids. The gnomes and Fawn play a movie guessing game and talk about Spiderman. There are jokes about Rambo and lines about junk in your trunk. The screenwriters even threw in a thinly veiled reference to Brokeback Mountain and even sexual innuendo when Nanette asks Juliet “Is his hat big and pointy?” after her encounter with Gnomeo.

Shakespeare is probably rolling in his grave. To add insult to injury, Gnomeo somehow finds his way to a statue of Shakespeare and they swap stories. Shakespeare says that Gnomeo’s story is surprisingly familiar, and he says that he wrote something vaguely like his story, except everyone dies at the end, cause he “really likes the death part.” Gnomeo is outraged and proclaims that Shakespeare’s ending is “rubbish.”

Strange, since this film isn’t exactly stellar. There have been examples of great animated films (namely, anything by Pixar). Unfortunately, Gnomeo and Juliet is not one of them.

For a film that is supposed to be based off of Romeo and Juliet, it comes off feeling more like a parody. Bordering on ridiculous, the whole film comes off as very irritating, whether it’s the weak dialogue or the too-bright animation. At the very least, the kids will enjoy it: C