In Elizabeth Bishop’s poem Manners, the speaker recalls a conversation with her grandfather in which he instructs her on the proper manners with which to treat others. Her grandfather tells her, as they’re traveling together in his car, to “always/ speak to everyone you meet” and to always offer everyone a ride. He later, after complementing a young boy’s crow, said that every creature, no matter man or beast, should always have good manners. Now, I’m starting to question the sanity of the narrator’s grandfather, a man who not only wants his granddaughter/son to offer random strangers a ride (probably not the safest bet, Gramps) but also expects animals to know what manners are and basically shouts “good day!” at everyone who is sharing the same oxygen as him. Time to lay off the nightly whiskey sours old man. Nevertheless, I guess he has good intentions.
Manners
By Elizabeth Bishop
For a Child of 1918
My grandfather said to me
as we sat on the wagon seat,
“Be sure to remember to always
speak to everyone you meet.”
We met a stranger on foot.
My grandfather’s whip tapped his hat.
“Good day, sir. Good day. A fine day.”
And I said it and bowed where I sat.
Then we overtook a boy we knew
with his big pet crow on his shoulder.
“Always offer everyone a ride;
don’t forget that when you get older,”
my grandfather said. So Willy
climbed up with us, but the crow
gave a “Caw!” and flew off. I was worried.
How would he know where to go?
But he flew a little way at a time
from fence post to fence post, ahead;
and when Willy whistled he answered.
“A fine bird,” my grandfather said,
“and he’s well brought up. See, he answers
nicely when he’s spoken to.
Man or beast, that’s good manners.
Be sure that you both always do.”
When automobiles went by,
the dust hid the people’s faces,
but we shouted “Good day! Good day!
Fine day!” at the top of our voices.
When we came to Hustler Hill,
he said that the mare was tired,
so we all got down and walked,
as our good manners required.
I’d like to talk about the concept of manners. Okay, it’s great to be all pleasant and proper and full of lollipops but I think sometimes people, especially ages 20 and lower, go too far. They turn manners into contrived interactions that make me question if it’s about being polite or about making every single person in the world think you’re nice.
Example 1: “OMG hi! How are you?” It’s not like I don’t do it too sometimes. Not the OMG part but the “How are you?” People just say it now as a greeting. A lot of the time, the person doesn’t even tell the other person how he or she is, let alone wait for a response. She just asks the other person the same question right on back. Do you really care how this other person is? Sure, I care about well being of my close friends and family, but those people I don’t need to ask how they are because I already know because I am involved in their lives. Why do we need to ask mere acquaintances how they are? Do you all really care? Probably not. You’re just saying it because that’s what people say now when we see each other. I’m not saying it’s the worst thing in the world or even a bad thing, I’m just questioning if the question is coming from a genuine place of curiosity.
Another example: Hugging at every hello and goodbye. Okay, this isn’t manners really, but it still happens a lot in my opinion. Although I personally am not a big hugger (with the exception of my significant other, gross I know), I’m not hating on hugging. It’s nice. I get it, the whole two people coming together to support one another and show affection through a body touching thing. But really grinds my gears are the people (mostly girls) who feel the need to hug each other every time they see each other and say goodbye. Is your friend dying? Is she about to board a plane and fly away for 2 years to Japan? Okay, then I understand the excessive hugging. But come on, if you’re hugging this girl who you’ll probably see later that night at some CEO and office hoe’s sorority mixer or when you two go out to dinner (with like 8 other girls) and use your fake ID to get a cosmopolitan, there’s really no need to hug. Bottom line, hugging is nice. People hugging all the time for no reason? I just don’t get it.
