The Gleecap: “I Kissed a Girl”

The Gleecap is a brand new column dedicated to recap and review the zany antics that occur in each episode of the television show Glee. Blog posts will be released each Wednesday following an episode. Beware, there will be spoilers.

Ladies and gentlemen, I think I finally have a theory.

At the end of the season, presumably after graduation, we will all find out that both Glee-Land and the Glee writers studio were actually all in Bizarro World this entire time. Maybe it’s because I’ve been spending too much time around comics, but it’s seriously the only theory I have that makes sense for most of this season.

Story Overview

Santana Lopez, hot off her recent slap of Finn Hudson, gets sent to the principal’s office and faces suspension for the deed. Finn, the martyr he is, convincingly persuades the administration to believe it was all a “stage slap.” He then brings Santana out to the hallway and explains how much he cares for her. He then blackmails her into playing nice with New Directions for the week.

The glee club proceeds to dedicate a massive variety of lady songs to make Santana feel better about herself. As the week goes on, Santana (in a one-liner) explains her coming out to her parents and eventually moves on to her abuela. In a touching and disheartening moment, Santana’s grandmother rejects and abandons her granddaughter.

Puck and Ms. Corcoran continue their awkward tango of cat-and-mouse. When Beth injures herself, Shelby calls Puck out of fear. Puck, with a limp mohawk so long you could braid it, proudly comes to the rescue. Later that night, teacher and student, as Shakespeare would put it, made “the beast with two backs.” Shelby regrets it, and Puck calls her a coward.

This episode also features the end of two elections! Since dropping out of the election, Rachel and her hell-bent ambition have become aimless. Wanting to genuinely help Kurt’s bid for President, she stuffs the ballot in his favor. Her plan is foiled, however, causing Kurt to lose. Fortunately for the Hummel name, Burt beats out Sue in her manic congressional campaign.

Lastly, Sue seeks to antagonize everyone’s favorite weight-lifting teddy bear, Coach Beiste. Dire to throw off a campaign-induced lesbian image, she takes a willing Recruiter Cooter from Beiste.

Characters

Finn – I like Finn. I’ve always liked Finn. He’s a good guy who often clumsily stumbles around into his own well-intended undoing. This episode tries to paint him even more in this light. He keeps Santana from being suspended. He expresses how much he cares about her. But, something about all of this felt forced. Finn’s never shown any particular fondness towards Santana at all up until this point. He’s also the one who outed Santana. He nicely blackmails her into playing nice with New Directions after helping her, yet he’s given barely any backlash (not even by Kurt) for his actions. I just want some more context.

Santana – I have always adored Santana. And overall, she impressed me this episode. Her emotional moments with her grandmother were handled beautifully. One thing that did bother me, however, was her flip-flop between emotions. Just got outed? She’s as sassy as usual and not raging as much at Finn. Grandmother just rejected her? She appears to be very well put-together in her next appearance.

Rachel – I loved Rachel this episode. For once, the writers were able to maintain her psychotic predilection towards ruthlessness and keep her likable. She, truly concerned for her best friend, did something she would do to help him. It made sense with her character.

Puck – Needs to cut his hair.

Quinn – Still crazy this episode, but she did have two fleeting moments of not-terrifying. I loved when she defended Santana, and her “just stay here and hold me” moment was adorable. Puck completely called it by pointing out her jealousy towards Santana’s treatment. Santana’s life falls apart, and two glee clubs jump to help. Quinn hasn’t had any of that.

Sugar – has the best facial expressions.

Tina, possibly the only character who didn't upset me this episode | Courtesy FoxTV

Songs

“Perfect” by P!nk: Blaine’s voice won out by a mile in this song. It was a sweet song that felt sort of like a forced “Top 40″ iTunes hit, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I just wish there was more prior context for them caring about Santana aside from their Blaine/Kurt/Santana vs. Karofsky smackdown last season.

“I’m the Only One” by Melissa Etheridge: A great song that was performed with decent vocals that was utterly upstaged by the visuals and Puck’s hair. I was trying to focus on the song, but there was a lot going on to distract from it.

“Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” by Cyndi Lauper: I’m not going to make fans for the review of this song. It was terrible. Typically, I respect Glee‘s decisions to alter songs. Their version of “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” was stunning last year. Unfortunately, this was not. First, the song was deep in Finn’s growly lower register, and it didn’t consist of more than four notes the entire time. Also, girls having fun has nothing to do with Santana being outed.

“Jolene” by Dolly Parton: On the other note, I was impressed with song. Sure, the song didn’t hit many notes either, but it did make a lot of sense in context, and it did fit very well with Beiste’s vocal range. Her insecurity and pain were tangible in this performance.

“I Kissed a Girl” by Katy Perry: This show cannot stay away from Katy Perry. Like the season’s earlier performance of “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.),” it was silly, vocally-decent Top 40 fun. It was great seeing the girls group defend Santana initially. Theoretically, however, the lyrics don’t make much sense in context since the song is saying that Santana is not actually a lesbian. Take that, rugby guy?

“Constant Craving” by k.d. lang: The best song of the episode. All of the voices and storylines (as much as I detest the Puck/Shelby one) tied in very well here. They were powerful, and they were emotional.

One Liners

“I’ll have to move to New York without my best gay!” – Rachel Berry

“Wait, you’re going to shoot Brittany?” – Rachel

“I’d rather rawdog a beehive.” – Noah “Puck” Puckerman

“Say something, please.” – Santana Lopez, in a realistically scary moment with her grandmother.

“If I lose, I don’t have a chance at getting into NYADA. It’s not fair. The difference between my dreams coming true and managing a Sonic Burger depends on how many people check a stupid box.” – Kurt Hummel, articulating the terror of managing your future.

Overall Score

Santana’s serious storyline felt very much like it was battling up against a lot of stupid and unnecessary. Not only is the Puck/Shelby storyline bizarre, but they took it to a new level of creepy by having a student and teacher have sex. Heck, Santana’s coming out to her grandmother was directly followed by Puck and Quinn almost making Beth 2.0. That story combined with some unnecessary songs make me wonder why Santana’s coming out to her parents was only relegated to one sentence. Kurt’s story was treated more delicately.

Also, this episode felt like there was a theme of Hero Guy/Crazy Girl. Santana struggling? Finn suddenly adores you and wants to protect you! Shelby distraught? Puck will save the day! Quinn going crazy? Puck will tell you how special you are. It even felt weird when Beiste felt the need to appease Cooter after he left her.

There were many great moments. As usual, however, they were foiled by a lot of weird. It felt applicable that the episode was bookended with a promo for next week with (spoiler) Sam “White Chocolate” Evans, the high school male stripper!

This show.

“I Kissed a Girl:” C

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