Please stop making memes.
Please stop making Shit ____ Say videos.
Yes, some of them are funny. Some of them are very funny. Some have even made me chortle out loud and spin the computer around to share them with a comrade. But enough is enough! The Internet is supposed to be a vast stream of information, but now it is just Memeville, governed by Mayor Philosoraptor. What happened to puppy videos? Or StumbleUpon? Remember good ol’ StumbleUpon? With all that… variety? What ever happened to spending hours on Megavideo? Oh, wait; I know what happened to that. (Fun thing to do: Google search the house of the guy who created MegaUpload, and then hate yourself.)
I like to think that I’m giving a voice to the downtrodden right now, but perhaps I am part of the Memeville 1% and just pissing off all you 99%ers to the point where you will rise up against me. But this @LiquidFun tweet makes me feel like maybe I’m letting the truth rain down:
But if you do hate me for being a Class-A fun ruin-er, maybe we can compromise and you can only make memes with cute puppies and Shit Cute Puppies Say videos?
(Also, there were lots of words in all caps in this opening because I am very passionate about this topic, but my copy editor told me to cut that crap out because it sounds mean. BUT I LOVE CAPITAL LETTERS!)
I PROUDLY PRESENT…
Oooooooh snap! @BU_Hillel has got some jokes! Welcome to #TweetCreep, guys.
ANYONE HAVE TAPE FOR MY GLASSES?
Apparently only if that fun includes Dungeons and Dragons and a can of Cheez Whiz.
Okay, you had me at “Let’s talk about sex!”, but then the tweet quickly lost my interest. Did Student Health Services make a sex tape or something? And if so, was it the “you’re going to get an STD” kind or the Kim Kardashian kind?
THE SHINING, BUT WITH TELEMARKETERS
Spoiler Alert: The Monster is your future student loans collector. Played by Jack Nicholson.
ALTERNATE PUNCHLINE: YOUR GLASSES ARE CROOKED
South Campus isn’t crooked! Your gait is crooked!
WRITER’S NOTE: I debated whether to use the word “gait” or not, but I decided to go for it because I believe in your intellect. If you don’t know the word, look it up because this joke works, damn it!
AND FEWER LAXATIVES
“Please sir, I want some more… adherence to health code regulations.”
Stop trying to make roflcopter happen! Seriously. Never again, guys. I can’t even wrap my head around what roflcopter even means. You laugh so hard, you levitate? Just… never again.
HAVE THEY BEEN WORN?
Panty Grams: The Valentine’s Gift of Choice for Japanese Businessmen and Frat Boys Everywhere
WANTED: TALKING VAJAYJAYS
I’m not interested in what any vagina has to say unless it is Snooki’s vagina or that monster vagina from the movie Teeth.