This Tuesday evening, just a week after Valentine’s Day, a predominantly female group of BU students gathered in Photonics 206 to listen as a panel of experts fielded their questions on all things love and lust. “Love Letters” was BU’s first ever Q & A session on healthy romantic relationships, hosted by Student Health Services.
The “Love Letters” panelists included Meredith Goldstein, a Boston.com journalist who writes an advice column by the same name as the event. In addition to Goldstein, BU School of Social Work’s Dr. Mark Gianino and social worker Lisa L. Moore contributed to the discussion. Attendees were asked to submit anonymous questions upon entry. BU Center for Psychiatric Rehabilitation coordinator Elizabeth Brennan moderated the discussion.
Some of the questions were a touch comical; for example, the evening began with a question about how to confront your boyfriend about his bad breath. For the most part, however, the advice doled out resonated with the college crowd. The questions centered on the difficulties of dating during what Goldstein called a “transient, temporary” period of your life.
The panelists unanimously agreed that the “are we exclusive?” talk should happen at that period of a relationship when seeing each other in a few days is a given and you’ve fallen into a regular pattern of dates. They also agreed that there’s no easy or comfortable way to have this conversation, even when it seems inevitable. The panelists all shared the sentiment that many of the strongest relationships evolve from friendships, although the transition to being sexually intimate with a friend can be jarring initially. The topic of long distance relationships was also discussed; this is another issue particularly attuned to the struggles of college kids. Goldstein put it bluntly, “If you really want to make it work, you’re going to have to spend a lot of money you don’t have.” She elaborated that truly caring for the person means you won’t mind the lighter wallet.
During their introductions, the panelists said a bit about why this sort of open dialogue about healthy relationships is important for college students. Goldstein said that when she began writing her “Love Letters” column, she was surprised at how many of the people writing in were college students as young as eighteen years old. She said that people tend to dismiss young love as being immature and unimportant, but that this statement couldn’t be further from the truth. Romantic relationships formed during college are important and help students mature and grow as individuals. Goldstein’s first novel, “The Singles,” will be in stores this spring and is in fact based off of the writer’s experiences with two college boyfriends.
The event was put on by Student Health Services as part of its program for healthy relationship themed events and discussions during the month of February. Student Health Services offers a host of resources on relationships and sexual health, along with resources in other areas.
Thank you to the Quad for providing coverage of this event!