BU TweetCreep: Nov. 24 – Dec. 1

Hello! I’ve missed you buds! I hope you all had such glorious vacations full of warm foods and woolen sweaters and satisfying hugs from those you care deeply for! And I hope those of you who had uncomfortable political realizations about family members found the strength to not pummel anyone into the dirt, though they may have deserved it.

Anyways, campus has been slowly coming back to life and Latkepalooza is today so that’s something to be thankful for!

I sincerely pray you are not getting all of your news from me but here’s an all-caps recap anyway:

NEWS:

A PLANE CRASHED IN COLOMBIA 

TRUMP TWEETED, THE INTERNET EXPLODED

CASTRO DIED

STANDING ROCK PIPELINE PROTESTS ARE STILL RAGING

Bright spots:

Eataly opened in Boston introducing us to Mario Batali and his 200 pairs of orange Crocs.

Netflix answers my prayers and allows users to download content to watch offline. GOODBYE ITUNES AND YOUR 72 HOUR DOWNLOAD TIME!!

This beautiful Patricia Lockwood piece about memory and shopping lists.

Aretha Franklin’s national anthem performance.

OK Go’s incredible new music video.

C. Megan Urry talking about bias, black holes, and being a badass in the field of physics.

This online game that saw straight into my heart.

 

Sigh. Are we all better now? Shall we move on to the Twitter? I think so!


 

I know this has something to do with sports. I can feel it in my soul. I’m just not confident in my ability to use context clues to discern what’s happening here. I know UConn is a school, my mom went there and spilled salad dressing on Worcester’s own J Geils band so I’m set on the first part of this tweet. But why did they hit a short jumper? That just seems cruel, he’s only trying to achieve average height! Now we’re extending a lead, that’s easy. Someone’s winning by more. Duh. Then we hit some kind of harsh dig at Obama and you’ve lost me again. And we round it all off with numbers which you KNOW mean nothing to me as a woman. I’m bad at math and spatial reasoning! #GoBU

Here you go, graduating friends. Now you can stop stress-barfing in my sink. May I suggest the “Russian Roulette” approach to this list? You load one bullet in a revolver and close your eyes and pick a random job at a random company. If the job you land on has absolutely nothing to do with your degree, you have to shoot yourself in the foot. BONUS POINTS: you still have to pay your loans.

Just checked, it’s apparently still fall in; Chesapeake, Virginia, Glendale, Arizona, Rochester, New York, and Corpus Christi, Texas too. Looks like we’ve got a case of the full nation fall. Fall of the nation if you will.

Well what????????? Why isn’t there smiling? Because you’re riding in the dark on unpaved roads? Dudes, if I came across someone cycling at dusk in the woods with a smile on his face I would murder him so quick before that psycho had a chance to murder me. Don’t smile after dusk everyone.

Is everything ok, CSA? I’ve got some Ben and Jerry’s in the freezer if you want to come over and talk about it. I think it’s great you’re embracing this new lifestyle but buddy, just know I’m here if you ever need to vent.

All hail WTBU News, the undisputed champion of conflicting feelings, the eternal harbingers of “I’ve got good news and bad news…”

God, calm down A E Phi, I just needed a day to think about it. Your all caps peer pressure IS NOT HELPING.

 

That’s it for me kiddos! Have a swell Thursday! Play me out DJ…

Carly Sitrin

I'm the senior editor of The Quad. Interests include: frogs, backpacks, satire, Adele, and the oxford comma. Tweet me your dreams @carlysitrin.

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