Foxy Congressperson of the Week: Rep. Adam Kinzinger

This week’s Foxy Congressperson is brought to you by a helpful commenter, who asked me when Adam Kinzinger was going to be receiving this honor. I was grateful for the suggestion because, as I have mentioned, foxiness is pretty thin on the ground on the Hill and I was running out of candidates.

Adam Kinzinger turned out to be very foxy indeed, which is lucky. It saved me from having to drop off a certificate of foxiness at Nancy Pelosi’s office, an event which probably would have led to me huddling terrified in a corner hoping she didn’t decide to ruin my career using only her words, as she is in the habit of doing to people who displease her.

Kinzinger, on the other hand, does not seem like the kind of person who could make you burst into flames with a glance. In fact, he goes above and beyond his colleagues on the Foxy Congress Committee, with a storybook appeal. He served in the Air Force (and if I had to choose a politician to see in a flight suit I would definitely choose him over George II), but apparently not content with the respect and honor he earned in the military, Kinzinger saved a real-life damsel in distress from her knife-wielding boyfriend when he saw them fighting in the street. He was subsequently interviewed in a local news segment and during the interview the label under his name read “hero.” If that’s not foxy I don’t know what is.

I went to the Representative’s office this Friday to drop off his certificate and inform him of his membership in the prestigious and growing club of attractive congresspeople. Of course, when I say “him” what I mean is “his intern.”

This was my first foray into the Longworth office building, which is much more confusing than the buildings that house the other attractive legislators. I was forced to walk around in circles for a while, desperately trying not to look like I was a lost tourist (which, despite being my absolute least favorite thing to look like, is a thing that I often am.)

I finally found Rep. Kinzinger’s office, walked in, performed my now-routine song and dance for his intern, and was given an e-mail address to send this blog post to. This is the important part though: after I told Kinzinger’s intern why I was interrupting her quiet afternoon in the office, we chatted a little about the Foxy Congressperson series and what it actually meant. She asked me if there was going to be a conference, and I clarified that it was actually just for a funny blog post.

Then, as I was walking away and contemplating which ridiculously expensive sandwich place I was going to buy my lunch at, it struck me that a Foxy Congress Conference would actually be a pretty awesome thing to have. The awardees could sit on panels discussing topics such as “How to Look Foxy in a Pantsuit” and “How to Use Foxiness to Your Advantage When Legislating”. They could take a group photo and hang it on the walls of Congressional office buildings to convince visitors that Congress is not full of pale cave-people so obsessed with cutting wasteful spending that they haven’t been outside in months. The possibilities are endless!

So, putting aside the impossible pipe dream of a Foxy Congress Conference, the moral of the story is that  if you suggest a Foxy Congressperson, I will write about them. Otherwise, I’m going to have to resort to looking through Congress’ website hoping someone’s official photo jumps out at me. And in the mean time, next week the caliber of foxiness will increase, because I am headed to the Senate!