The Gleecap is a brand new column dedicated to recap and review the zany antics that occur in each episode of the television show Glee. Blog posts will be released each Wednesday following an episode. Beware, there will be spoilers.
Story Overview
Last night’s episode focused solely on Mike Chang and his mother. She gave him an encouraging look from the audience, and he felt inspired to perform to his heart’s content. It was beautiful.
And that’s all that happened. Really.
The Story Overview…But Really
I can dream, right?
With “The First Time,” Glee brought us back many centuries to the time of the virgin sacrifice. The leader of this charge? One Mr. Artie Abrams. While amidst his directorial debut, he calls out Rachel and Blaine’s uninspired acting and attributes it to them not having done the deed. Shortly after, he uses powers of psychic perception to call out Coach Beiste for being a virgin. Yes, Artie, a high school student, calls out the football coach for not having had sex.
Just another typical day in high school.
Moved by his advice, Rachel and Blaine take separate paths. Rachel approaches Finn with the idea. Finn cautiously, and respectfully, agrees to it. A few nights later, Finn cooks an entire romantic dinner and reconfirms Rachel’s wishes. Unfortunately, Rachel kills the moment before it happens by revealing that her motivations are almost entirely for artistic advancement.
As if Rachel has any other motivation in life.
Blaine, likewise bothered by Artie’s words, decides to revisit Dalton Academy to shake off his nerves. Unfortunately, his plan gets rerouted after he meets predatory gay singer Sebastian. Sebastian, after ruffling both Kurt and Blaine’s feathers, encourages them to meet him at local gay bar “Scandal’s” by using fake I.D.’s. After bumping into a happier Karofsky, Kurt, with a drunken Blaine in tow, decides to call it a night. Blaine then decides to put the drunken moves on his boyfriend. Kurt, given Blaine’s drunken context and his prolonged focus on Sebastian, stops the idea. Blaine wanders off drunk in protest.
By the end of the episode, everyone forgives each other and has sex.
Minor plot points include: Coach Beiste gets asked out by a football recruiter, Tina reveals that she’s not a virgin, Mike clashes with Dad and grows closer with Mom, and Finn fails to get recruited by Beiste’s new man.
Characters
Artie – They finally give Artie a pseudo-substantial amount of screen time this season, and the large majority was skeezy. First, that “sex method acting” problem made no sense. A person playing the role of an axe-murderer doesn’t actually have to murder someone to get the role. Hence acting. I’m not saying Glee is necessarily advocating that viewpoint, but no one really argued with his logic. Also, no student in the history of mankind would have ever, ever asked their football coach about her sex life.
Between Puck last episode and Artie this episode, there is far too much student-teacher line-blurring going on. I wish I could say Artie’s touching directorial moment near the episode’s conclusion fixed the problem, but it really didn’t. It was appreciated though.
Finn – I’ve been steadily liking Finn more and more throughout this entire season. Between his unyielding respect for Rachel and his fleeting moments of genuine emotional turmoil, Finn’s character has upstaging many others in terms of character growth. Finn, despite not being a virgin, wanted his moment with Rachel to feel special. And his frustration at the death of his football dreams? Excellently done.
Blaine – I liked some moments when he became more of a character with flaws. His nerves around being near Sebastian. His drunken, stampeding hormones. His guilt. Other moments still felt chocked full with cutesy-wootsey and fanservice. I have a mixed reaction.
Kurt – Shockingly, I like how Kurt was handled this episode. He had absolutely no problem holding his ground against an irrational boyfriend.
Songs
“Tonight” from West Side Story: A song that fits perfectly with Rachel’s ability and reasonably within Blaine’s ability. Rachel has a knack for combing the soft and hard tones of her voice to create a great product, and she did so here. Blaine felt a little more strained, but he still did a respectful job.
“Uptown Girl” by Billy Joel: This song was so nasal that it was distracting. The song itself, although semi-classic, didn’t impress me overall. I also don’t understand why so many Warbler/Blaine performances involve gay men hitting on women (“Animal” from last season). I know it’s acting, but it feels bizarre.
“A Boy Like That” from West Side Story: Rachel and Santana’s voices offer excellent contrast with one another. The song’s placement and relevance during the Sebastian scenes completely make me forgive the storyline. Across the board, Glee has improved with song/plot relationship.
“America” from West Side Story: Puck and Rory’s hysterical accents aside, the entire performance was a blast. The song is iconic, the dancing was flashy, and the singing was everything it needed to be and more. It almost makes me want to join a musical-belting street gang.
“One Hand, One Heart” from West Side Story: Truthfully speaking, I was too distracted by the obscure, rapid camera movements panning to Rachel/Finn’s and Kurt/Blaine’s final, climactic moments to pay much attention to the song. I do remember liking it better than Rachel and Blaine’s earlier performance of “Tonight.”
One-Liners
“Last time we talked about this [sex], you said you wanted to wait until you won a Tony.” – Finn Hudson
“It was like being smothered by a sweaty, out-of-breath sack of potatoes that someone soaked in body spray.” – Santana Lopez
“Is that a Lucy or a Reba?” – Kurt Hummel
“Blaine, tone down with the blush.” – Artie Abrams
“When you’re in a chair, it’s hard to ever feel like you’ve grown up.” – Artie
“It was better than the last time you were drunk when you made out with Rachel.” – Kurt
Overall Score
I have a theory.
There are two groups of Glee writers. Those who are good at their job, and those who like to see my beloved characters turn into horribly-written pieces of trash. These two groups waged a war over who gets which characters this season. The Good Writers won Santana, Brittany, Finn, Mike and Coach Beiste. The Bad Writers won Blaine, Quinn, Mr. Schuester and Artie. Rachel, Mercedes and Kurt vary on episode. Tina gets no writers.
One of the Bad Writers specializes in writing not just one but thirty overtly perverted lines in each episode. He or she won control of Mr. Schuester, Rory and his “pot o’gold,” and Artie this episode.
This is a bad battle strategy. The few sweet moments involving Mike, Coach Beiste, Finn and even Tina were completely overshadowed by the writers’ ill-informed representation of sex as “method acting” and student-teacher appropriateness boundaries.
“The First Time:” C+
